I have felt better today. Not up to par – but better. Thank you for all the messages and emails I am getting. It helps to know I have a large team of supporters behind me. Your messages help me think of something else – tips on different films or shows to watch, podcasts to listen to, pictures, videos and fond memories of the good old days – and dreams of good times to come.

Today it’s been easier to drink but as per usual when the foul flavor in my mouth eases up I get mouth sores and the skin in the top of my mouth starts peeling. It is just devilish that the entrance to feeling better – by eating and drinking – has become such a struggle. I’ve started getting nose bleeds as well and that surely doesn’t help. Tastes, smells and sensations have started to kick me mentally into remembering feeling really bad and that adds the sprinkle on the rotten icing. Nice.

Chess and James took me for a walk today. About a mile and a half. Nice to be outside and walk, but I was quite tired when I came home. The faint wind and slightly colder air made my throat feel numb because I obviously had to breathe, so I hid my nose in my T-shirt to get some warmer air. I thought I could walk up some energy due to getting fresh air, but I went straight into horizontal position once home and fell asleep.

I need to find out what it was that made me feel better last cycle, and implement that next time. I need to not make bad sensation memories take control. I need to overcome the dread of the next cycle and rather picture it as something that will eventually help me and not break me down.

I’m trying to think of the end of this and my first summit without dwelling too much on how the next steep sections will be like – except being a bit more prepared for them. I hope I will have a few days in front of me that I can enjoy more than the previous ones.