It’s been two good days. Hungry days. I have been prepping for the next cycle tomorrow by again fasting both days. Bitter to have good days where I could have enjoyed almost normal life, but I have to believe that starving my cells – and the cancer cells in particular will make them more susceptible to the chemo. 

I am again going to enter the chemo suite tomorrow morning with mixed feelings. I know this is what I have to do to kill the cells that are not supposed to be in my body. But – all the rest of my cells are shaking anxiously because they know what’s coming and they are not happy about that – and I so very much do not want to do this yet again. At the moment it feels like it’s destroying me more than saving me, but I have no choice but to let the poison back in. 

I will get some remedies that hopefully better eases the side effects. Among others my oncologist has prescribed a mouth wash that should decrease the inflammation in my mouth. I also got a tip to make a mouth was with aloe, salt and alkaline water. Hopefully one or both will work well enough so I manage to drink enough water. 

When life feels low the coming week I have to remember how these last days have been. I need to remind myself that there will be good days after the bad. And I need to cling on to the feeling I have when I allow myself to forget that I have cancer.