Oh my, I’ve been knocked out this time. I am so tired. The last five days I have had no energy. I’ve barely managed to get dressed and then sort of sit up to eat. Bizarrely, it is even exhausting to lay down. I think my body is tired of being tired.

I am more impatient now than I think I have ever been. And for those of you that don’t know me as well as others do – that is impatience above and beyond. Not only are my cells shivering from all the drugs in me, they are shivering from impatience as well – double whammy. It seems that I can’t wait for these days to pass. I find myself wishing I could just sleep through these days. (Note from James: The new anti-nausea medication Stine is taking makes you both sleepy and anxious, simultaneously). I’ve been staring out the window a lot, watching time slowly … slowly … slowly … slowly go by. It has been as exciting as watching paint dry.

The side effects have eased up a bit today. I have decreased the amount of medications that reduce the side-effects of the chemotherapy. I have a new anti nausea drug, and a side effect of that one is drowsiness – no kidding. I do not deal well with nauseousness so sadly I’ve preferred to be tired rather than nauseous. This new medication has been easier on my digestive system and that is a good thing. I will spare you the details here…

I’m slowly recovering and James and I just came back from a nice walk in the neighborhood. I got super out of breath, so we skipped the steep hill, but did a longer loop past the high school instead, just to make it a bit more exercise. So now I’m back to flat position on the couch in the backyard. I feel so privileged to have this beautiful backyard to rest in even though I keep looking at all the things I want to fix in it. But soon I’ll be back in shape so I can do some of those projects – like trimming palm trees and checking irrigation on my herbs.

Our heaven-sent neighborhood angel Lois is bringing us dinner again today and yet again takes pressure off my guys of “what to have for dinner” – thank you!! That said – I’m very happy that Benjamin through these months is going head on following recipes and making dinners – and it looks like he actually enjoys it. A good skill to have when he moves into a house with friends once his college opens back up. Getting comfortable with following recipes is a big leap forward into a healthy adulthood.