I realized that it’s more than a week since I updated the blog. Thanks to both me being more tired than usual, and that we are pretty isolated because of the pandemic, everything is a blur these day. I don’t remember what day it is and which day I did what. Here comes a recap. Monday last week the day was not so good. I was super dizzy and weak. Hot flashes from hell all day and I spent most of the day on the couch in the backyard. 

On Tuesday it was Benjamin’s birthday and I was determined to give him a good day with him as the person in focus – and we managed to do that. The day was much better for me than the previous day and we surprised him with presents and I prepped a nice special family dinner – for just the three of us – and I made a birthday cake – not from scratch – but a birthday cake none the less. Benjamin was, all things considered, very happy about the presents he got and the whole birthday.

On Wednesday I felt that the neuropathy was getting to a level where I wanted to contact my oncologist for advice on what to expect and if there was anything I could do to prevent it from increasing. They called me back from the hospital and I got an appointment for the next day because the doctor wanted to assess me right away. I also got a call from a social worker at the hospital. She called just to talk about how I was doing and how I’m handling – or not handling – my situation. She suggested that it might be useful for me to talk to a specialist. I agreed and she put in a request so my oncologist could refer me to a psychologist that specializes in cancer patients.

Thursday was an OK day. I was not very dizzy or extremely weak. Just same low energy, and slow going, and easily teared up, and hot flashes every two or three hours. I went to the doctor in the afternoon. I had a nice chat with him about how neuropathy is treated. Normally the medication that is given is an anti depressant. However, since a psychologist might want to put me on anti depressant as well he did not want to mix two different ones. He wanted me to rather try a different drug called Neurontin or Gabapentin. It is a drug that treats different types of nerve damage – and anxiety. He is not a specialist in hot flashes, so I will need to go to OB/GYN for that since that is caused by my lack of ovaries and not chemotherapy. However what he said about the neuropathy increase being stress driven was a surprise, but it makes sense when I learned that it is treated with anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. He said that we need to find something that can break the cycle. I understand now why the hospital apparatus was triggered with getting a call from a social worker and getting referral for a psychologist. Adding everything up from the last month made the doctor and the nurse push the red button.

Neurontin is a sedative so he told me to take the first dose right before bedtime – and I did – and I slept like a baby all night. No tossing and turning to fall asleep. No waking up from hot flashes drenched in sweat. Friday morning I woke up feeling like a new person. Holy smokes what a drug can do. James said that everything about me was different – in a very positive way. I was expecting to slowly feel a difference in the neuropathy over the next few weeks, but what happened immediately was that my stress, or let’s call it what it actually has been – anxiety- disappeared in one night after one pill. And not only that, my hot flashes are now almost nonexistent. I have them occasionally, but instead of getting overwhelmingly hot and sweaty every two hours, now I have a small wave of hotness two to four times per day – I hardly notice them.

It is incredible how things are connected, and in this case rooted in anxiety and stress. James was right. The oncologist was right. I had to find a way to break the cycle – and I did. I’m not a big fan of solving things with a pill for this and a pill for that, but this pill definitely pushed me towards a more normal state.

The bonus side effects of Neurontin has been more prominent than the effect on what I actually got it for. I still have neuropathy. I did not expect to feel any improvement in only a couple of days. However I feel a difference, in particular under me feet. Instead of having cold feet constantly, now they are hot. Instead of feeling like I’m wearing socks, it feels like the skin is less flexible. Neither of those symptoms sound like improvement, but I’m interpreting this change to be that the nerves are waking back up. The numbness in my shins is also slowly weakening. That’s definitely improvement so I hope that I will continue to see more improvement over the next couple of weeks. The medication makes me sleep all night, but it also makes me tired, dizzy, and light headed during the day – unfortunately. I can’t only take it before bedtime, I have to take it three times per day – so I’m eager to get to a level where I can stop taking them.

Friday I had a new CT scan. I will see the surgeon on Friday this week to go over the result. I hope that the blood clots in my lungs are gone so I can stop taking the blood thinner. Even if taking the blood thinner is much easier now that it’s a pill and not an injection I’d like to be able to not have to take it. And I just realized that I may have forgotten to take it yesterday – or perhaps I did take it – I don’t recall – as I said it’s all a blur.