Yesterday after breakfast I took the last three pills of chemo in this cycle. It feels really good to have reached this milestone. I’m getting closer to the end of this journey. Three cycles to go. As I wrote in the last update it has been going surprisingly well and much better than expected (so typical me to worry too much). This week went also pretty well. I did not get more nauseous or had much more stomach problems and I’ve felt reasonably ok. 

Even if I’m feeling well I do feel pretty disconnected to the world outside myself. I haven’t been able to work at all. My attention span is super short. I am not able to focus for very long and I have a problem finding the right words when talking. I’m not surprised that I’m feeling this way. I have been going through a lot the last nine months. It is however hard to not expect more of myself. It feels silly to be proud of being able to do just very simple things like make myself breakfast or do laundry, but since I for long periods haven’t been able to do this I appreciate more being able to do these normal little things. I have a few more weeks to go and by the end of November I should be able to venture beyond being proud of that I checked the mailbox or cleaned the counters.

Even if I’ve been feeling ok I did reach a saturation point on Wednesday where the fatigue really kicked in. My last chemo pills were yesterday morning and I was expecting to be fatigued only during the daytime, and to feel better at night since I didn’t need to take another chemo dose. I was unfortunately surprised with a rough night. I got another taste of how it was like this spring. I was super uneasy and it felt like the flesh and skin on my head didn’t fit my skull and that I constantly had a Joker grin – trippy. I felt better this morning after sleeping a few hours, but I’ve been fatigued and slow all day. But tomorrow is another day without any chemo pills and I expect to feel better each day until the next cycle starts on Thursday.

The neuropathy is unfortunately not getting any better, but continues to become slowly slowly gradually worse. I have noticed that when the neuropathy is bad I also feel bad otherwise. In addition when I have pain in my hips and lower back – due to too much not moving – the neuropathy in my feet gets worse. So it has again been confirmed to me that an uneasy mind leads to numb feet – and in addition tight muscles and probably pinched nerves in my hips and back makes it worse. I did some yoga poses to stretch my hips and back and that actually reduced the numbness.

When I was doing the yoga poses I again noticed how incredibly weak and inflexible my muscles and joints have become. I do not have the discipline to regularly exercise by myself and I don’t have enough knowledge to set up the right exercise program. I decided to contact one of my favorite yoga teachers and asked her if she has time to come over to our house – or backyard – twice a week to help me get back in to shape. I was very happy to learn that she has time, and we met today to go over what’s going on with me and how she can help. 

So next week will be unusually busy. Another Covid test and yoga on Monday, more yoga and blood samples on Wednesday and then doctors appointment and the second chemo infusion on Thursday morning. Before that I will also have a good weekend with a few smaller projects around the house and a couple of chats with friends and family.