I’ve been sunken into self pity and agony for almost five days. It is not a good state to be in and it is easy to fall deep into a dark pit. When being in this state I do nothing but just exist. What I want is to just stay completely still, without moving, without feeling, without drinking, without eating, without sitting or walking or doing anything. But I can’t do that. I need to open my eyes. I need…
Today has all in all been better than yesterday. I’ve been more active and I have had far fewer headaches. It is still super hard to drink and eat. Even if I don’t have a lot of appetite, eating sort of works out. It is particularly hard to drink. That is very unfortunate. Water and fluid is so important but every sip is a struggle. Any type of fluid accentuates the foul flavor in my mouth and swallowing without gagging…
Another guest blog today. It has been an up and down day, with unfortunately more down than up. Stine was awake at 0500 and feeling quite hot, and we removed the 5-FU bag mid-morning. This cycle has hit Stine the hardest with quite a bit of pain and what she is calling “chemo head” where she has severe headaches and what I call mental “swimming.” She got up for a bit in the afternoon to do some gardening, which Chess…
When I woke up this morning I was feeling blue. I got only five hours of sleep. It was hard to find a good position for my head. When the chemo is working it’s way in, on the worst days it feels like my head is not screwed on right. I can’t for the best of me find a comfortable position no matter how hard I try. While tossing and turning I started thinking of a good childhood memory. Just…
I am alas not as full today as I was yesterday. Tuesday two weeks ago I was less hungry than I am today. Walking around feeling full all day yesterday made my stomach want more and it is not happy about getting only cucumber and celery for snacks. I am very much looking forward to my low cal cottage pie I will have for dinner soon – very soon. Even if my stomach is not so full today my heart…