For those of you that have been worried; I am doing alright. I have not posted an update for several days and I apologize for that. My energy level is very low and I’m frankly in a state where one day flows imperceptibly over to the next. This has of course a lot to do with my fatigue and condition, but it certainly does not help that the world is on pause. I cannot for the best of me remember what day it is when I wake up and I cannot remember what I did yesterday. This is definitely due to the side effect “chemo brain” which is a pretty bad case of brain fog.

I have very few to do items on my list every day and as soon as something unexpected has to be done – I get totally lost – I get knocked off my perch as we say in Norwegian (its close to the English term knocked off my socks). That happened to me on Monday. They called from my new hospital and said that I cannot come in to get my chemo treatment on Friday before I have taken a COVID-19 test – and it must have a negative result. That was pretty straight forward in a normal world and caused nothing but three phone calls and a drive thru – plus a pretty uncomfortable nasal swab far far into both my nostrils. However – that threw me off completely and that was about what I had energy for that day. The test came back yesterday and was not surprisingly negative.

This reminded me of a conversation I had with my grandmother several years ago. I talked with her during the weekend and she told me she had a dental appointment on Wednesday. What that meant to her was several days of planning. Her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were filled up with contemplating what to do and how to be prepared for a visit to the dentist on Wednesday. That is how I feel now. When ever something unexpected turns up I am completely knocked off my perch and I dizzily have to figure out how to make that fit in. And not that I have a lot to do these days – quite the contrary – I’m happy if I manage to do about 25% of what I normally do in a day.

It is no doubt that the chemo is wearing my body – and soul – down. I most certainly have better days the second week after infusion, but my energy level is on a downward slope all in all. I am impatient, have a short fuse, I’m emotional – and I am so fed up. But – I am so close! Friday is my last infusion – holy Toledo – I cannot believe it. Three months of chemo is soon over and I can finally start building myself back up. Until the next big step – but since I don’t know the course of action at this time I’m not worrying about that yet.